I couldn’t believe this, I couldn’t believe all that I was hearing – they were all saying nice things about me. Me, the misogynist, the misandrist, in short, number one world hater. I hated everybody and didn’t hide that fact from the world.
Did Chibuzor just say I was a helper in difficult times? Me, who would never lift a finger to aid anyone?
I didn’t just hear that, but did Anita just say I give good relationship advice? Please! I am an avid advocate of the single lifestyle.
Oh no! Tabitha are you being serious?
I stood up for you when you were being bullied? I am not a fan of bullying but speak up for someone else? Nada! That is so not me.
This is beginning to creep me out, Cynthia who hated my guts just said that I was a loving and quiet person. That is only because I knew that I would’t look good in prison stripes. I loved my hoodies!
Still looking on in wonderment, I see Cecilia with tears in her eyes and her black mascara dripping down her face looking like a twilight monster, trying to wipe her tears with a drenched handkerchief only to make a bigger mess. Now, she looks worse than the zombies in Goosebumps. Ah! Here she goes:
“Alyssa was the embodiment of the word ‘awesome.” I visibly cringed because these were all lies. I am sarcastic through and through that my sarcasms were most times construed as insults.
But then, what was I expecting?
I was dead and they were at my funeral.