When the headlines broke with the news that 25years Susan had committed suicide, every corner shook up. People quickly gleaned through her social media profiles. Ah, but she looks ok, what could have happened? There was never a trace, nothing to show she was ever depressed or disgruntled at her life.
What could have made such a beautiful young lady with a promising life decide to end it in such horror? No one had a clue, not even her immediate family. Everyone just concluded it must have been a spiritual thing until a note was found somewhere in her book shack.
It was a neat but old pile of her scribbling. Seems she took to writing recently and kept each note faraway. The first line of her story sent shivers down the spine of her friend as he held the little book.
“I am tired of living in this body, I want a miracle soon and if I don’t get it, I am leaving never to return. I don’t care where I will end up at, who will judge me after I’m gone or where I am going. If they cared enough, they should have seen the pains behind my smiles. But none ever did and I couldn’t complain because bad times wasn’t my exclusive experience. I had to bottle up, live like it’s ok to be unhappy, smile for the camera and act for the world.
I gave them what they wanted. After all, there are enough sad people in the world, so I gave them a happy-me, an almost fulfilled life image. When I complained that I wasn’t happy, they rebuked me. ‘How can you say that, you, a whole graduate and you even have a place to live and your family doesn’t complain about your unemployment. You are ungrateful.’
They saw the peripheral but never discovered the inner desire I longed for. After several job interviews with money wasted, I was left with no choice than to do whatever I could think up. I sold stuffs, but met with bad luck. When I had a business idea, I had no money and nobody wanted to be a part of what I do. I borrowed, I considered myself a burden to my poor family headed by a tired mother. 5 years after university education, I don’t have anything to show. Money eluded me and when I complain, they tell me “money is not important, start small,” but money was everything.
Money was getting started, money was data to work, money was keeping tab with trainings, money was sourcing for information on the web, money was advertising, money was getting a website, money was setting up a business environment, money was registering a business name. If those were not money, then nothing in life was money. I didn’t have support even a raven was better than I am. They always complimented my good looks even when I was dying slowly inside.
I acted for them because that’s what they wanted. Nobody wanted to hear the woes. I didn’t share either. When they asked “how are you and business ?” I replied with the best enthusiastic words. Everyone loved my optimism, nobody ever cared to ask if I go through moments of low tide. They saw me for the girl they wanted me to be, I kept giving them all of it.
But every ship has its stormy days, those days and nights have lasted too long, sometimes, it sinks like the titanic – I will sink someday. I prayed, peradventure a miracle will come, I waited but my strength is draining. Someday, I won’t be able to act anymore, my hands will loose grip on my anchor but they won’t suspect because they have made me what I am. And I see that day coming soon. I have become rigid, I force my heart to believe I am still acting till I spill my last ounce. And I know after that they will talk about me but I wouldn’t care anymore.”
He wobbled to the floor, his hard fought tears trickling like rain droplets on green leaves. His hand was shaky as the images of the boisterous Susan he knew played before him. Her smile was enigmatic, her attitude unbelievable but never did they know that behind those smiles and optimism was a heart rotting with depression.
And yes, they talked. Was it right to take her life because she haven’t had a breakthrough? Tongues wagged but somewhere downtown and uptown, another man, another woman was hitting bottom rock, their stories to make the headlines but it wouldn’t be because they wanted to end their lives. It would be because they were frustrated living in a body of failed aspirations.
And so Susan was a lost cause.
Do you know more people think about committing suicide everyday than in the last ten years? You could be among those encouraging it or lending a voice to stop it. Choose your option and act wisely. Let’s help one another, reach out to someone today, they may be hurting in silence.
Let hope live.